Decisions Decisions!

Oh sometimes I wish I could make up my purely indecisive, supremely perfectionist mind up a little more efficiently. It's about time I be the woman I am, and that means...wait, what does that mean exactly?
See, that's just it for me. I need to have things an exact way. Very bad habit, I know. But for me, it's not just some bad habit or whatever, it's just the way I am. Issues that are minor to you may be a big deal to me because when something is not functioning properly or is out of the norm, it's a little bit more difficult to adjust to sometimes.
I need plans for everything I do. I'm rarely ever a spontaneous person.
I really wish I knew what it really was that I wanted to do. My whole life, I've grown up here in Baltimore, and I was born at John Hopkins Hospital. I also spend quite a decent amount of time there. Anyway, I have always dreamed of being a doctor. I even surpassed everyone's expectations of becoming a teenage babymamma with no education, like more than half of everyone here. But I knew that was going to be my life, and since I had a plan, I knew enough to not even venture into dangerous situations.
I graduated Valedictorian of Mervo class of 2011and planned on entering Graceland University full on, double-majoring in Chemistry and Biology as a super-strong pre-med program. I wanted the brst route possible, but I also joined 11 different extracurricular activites and didn't have my head screwed on properly most of the time. I'm lucky I knew my name. As you can imagine, with chemistry being the class that took the most time, the most dedication, and the hardest work, I fell drastically behind (even with Kari's help) because I just couldn't keep up. I couldn't understand anything, and I think part of the reason I stopped trying in the end was because yes, I was giving up on myself, but I think part of me was starting to realize that I was not as skilled a chemist as I wanted to be, or that I thought I was. So I blew that.
People seem to have their own plans, or their thoughts of what I should do, and it's never that I don't value other opinions, especially when I can't make up my own mind, it's just that I have always dreamed of becoming a doctor. But I can't be there without chemistry, and I have come to accept that chemistry and I will not get along the way we did when I was in high school. So some people think I should be a nurse instead, and I appreciate the thoughts. And I'm not saying that anything is wrong with nursing, but I have realized my dream and I feel like becoming a nurse is settling. I don't want to settle! So I decided to major in health, and minor in human services for the time I'm at Graceland University. Then I would retake chemistry, somehow, online or whatever, to just prepare for the MCAT.
But life never goes as planned, and I guess I need to start learning that. but now I'm worried about my future, all because I don't have a solid plan. I'm crazy for this. I also know that tons of people are counting on me being at Graceland, but the travel expenses are deep and as much as I hate to admit this, it's hard on me to be so far away. So who knows if I'll even stay at Graceland. But I hate to think of the chaos this might cause.
I guess it's also time for me to keep a better ear for what God is telling me.